Disability and Me by loren gahala
July 13,04 The fall of Icarus and the birth of Sisyphus.
If you knew my pain and the weight of my burden you would not be quite
so quick to judge.
left of my personality be consumed by constant pain and frustration.
to zip up my jacket five times before finally giving up.
Having people walk
faster to get ahead of me in line at a restaurant.
Getting doors slammed in
Balancing on a tightrope.
Going through the motions and putting
on an actor’s smiling face.
Looking at my body and no longer wanting to eat.
Looking at my life and future and no longer wanting to live.
to sleep but not being able to get any rest.
Losing everything that I love;
that which made me who I am and being expected to carry on.
Simply trying to
endure and survive.
Loathing the "friends" whose gratitude has grown
old, those "friends" who enjoyed my prosperity but will not voyage with me in my
The reality is:
The forced compromising of ideals and the
lowering of standards and expectations.
Finding the disabled bathroom only
to be for a right handed person.
Not being given the right of way when
attempting to cross a street or parking lot.
Witnessing perfectly healthy
people park in the handicapped space.
Dropping things more times than I care
to admit or remember.
Having to ask for help for
everything, simply because there is just no other way.
Having to re-tell my
tragedy a hundred times to people who don’t even care or matter.
where the fuck all my so called friends are and have gone!
people bitch and moan about the most trivial things and wishing I would be so
lucky as to only have those problems.
Disability to me is bitterness and
Having hurt feelings along with everything else.
Trying to get by on a fraction of my former income.
Reaching out only to find that so very few are there.
Wondering how much more I can take.
Just wanting it to be over!
Having become such a burden to my friends and acquaintances, that I very
rarely getting invited or taken anywhere.
Thanks Loren for allowing me to post this poignant, hard hitting, viewpoint on the day in the life of someone who has been on the other side.
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