Grief

I have not visited this process in my blogs but this one will play a role often in your life both as a caregiver and a survivor.

Most often this is reserved for people who have died and therefore we tend not to think that this will play a role but with any disability that one is not born with the chances that you will become victim of its stages are likely.

Let us look at it for what it is.  If you lose an ability, such as mobility, or the loss of a body part one has a death of that function(s).
In brain injury you may well lose the ability to talk, remember, sleep, move one side of your body (paralysis) and as I have said quite often we lose "Self", the person we came to know and love all these years.

The spouse or caregiver loses the person he or she loved and depended upon to keep up their side of the responsibilities within the realms of the marriage.  Most often the husband is injured and no longer supports the family and that is a huge blow to the entire family and places even greater stress on the already overburdened wife.

The children will also suffer from loss of their security as they once knew it and so are subject to some form of grief.

Expect it.

Shock

This is the first stage.  How or why did this happen to us or me? Confusion and a sense of being out of control as well as not fully understanding what this will all means to you or your family.

At this stage it is important that you do not make any financial or legal decisions and get legal advice from someone who fully understands brain injury.

Anger

This will come in many forms.  From the caregiver being mad at who caused this dilemma if there is someone to blame, Anger at the children or spouse or a mix of this going back and forth between all members of the family.  You may feel your world is out of control and that you are going insane.
Now is the time if you have not already sought out help through your doctor, a therapist who can allow everyone to vent in a positive manner and come together as a family to help the injured loved one.

Bargaining

This can be done to your God or with yourself begging for a return to one's former self in hopes that this is not permanent.  this may lead to depression or suicidal tendencies and professional help may be a need.  Add to this the many drugs that may be administered and those thoughts may be forefront and constant monitoring by physicians may be required.  Have your Doctor's or therapist or local help line phone number on your cell phone at all times.

Acceptance

This will eventually come but there is no timeline and in fact you may bounce back and forth between the above mentioned processes.  I often ask why me?   I really haven't know an adult version of me uninjured but still I wonder how my life would have been without the AVM.

So be aware of these processes.  It will eventually get easier but nothing will replace the potential of what we once were regardless of who is to blame.

If you measure your recovery from the day of rather than the day before the accident, then the progress will be greater than comparing it to someone who had no deficits.
It is incumbent on you to take what you have now and do the best that you can with the cards dealt than to continue chasing after a hand already played.