Wednesday, 7 March 2012


The picture I have just shared is not a joke.  It happened to me.  I was driving my girlfriend down a dusty logging road. on our way to a party.  I was sober.  We came upon a lumbering logging truck, the dust billowing out from behind.  Impatient, I decided to pass this truck.  I accelerated to 80 miles per hour when all of a sudden the lights went out!  Pitch black in the middle of the day.  When the lights came back on, I had not only time traveled 6 hours into the future but I had also been beamed up from my car and awoke in an alien operating room where I was being, you guessed it, probed.
O.K., so an alien ship did not beam me up.  I apparently was passing this logging truck and hit a pick-up truck head-on that was coming from the opposite direction.  The force of the collision was so powerful that the hood was sheared off and tossed like a piece of crumpled  paper into the ditch.  The floor boards punched up and back towards the rear of the car embedding the heals if my shoes in them.  The front end of the car crumpled like an accordion and the first 4 feet of  engine space was now flush with the firewall.  The dashboard rocketed up toward the ceiling while the roof descended to meet the dash.  The steering wheel shot out and into the seat while I was pushed like a rag doll towards the driver side door that now had been pushed outwards and down into the dirt of the road.
To think all that I am writing, this little paragraph took all of about 1 minute to write.
All that damage took 1/10th of one second to complete.
Apparently, I wiggled out of my shoes, leaving them still embedded in the floor boards, climbed out of the car and grabbed my girlfriend, and began to walk away.  The logging truck driver became the transporter, as he had determined that we were in the worse shape and drove us to the Vanderhoof hospital.  Several hours later I awoke, in bed, naked and thinking to myself, wow, what a party!
It was at that moment, I felt a hand upon my right knee, that I realized that not only was this a great party but guess what? I'm getting lucky too!
I opened my eyes and followed my body down towards my right knee.  As my knee came into focus, I realized that the hand upon it was that of a guy!  The cheeks of my butt tightened up so tightly you could have cracked a walnut between them.  I then announced quite abruptly, WTF, and followed that with the wonderful term of OMG to which a doctor behind me replied, "It's a little too late for God, Kevin.
It was then I realized the hand upon my knee was that of a doctor and he was re-suturing my damaged knee.
I then asked, "Who died?"
The doctor responded, "No one."
My girlfriend had a hairline fracture of the skull, the driver of the truck walked away and his girlfriend had a broken nose.

NOTE TO SELF:  Car Accidents may cause brain injury.

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